Quarantine alter ego

The world is facing a unique situation, at least in modern times, and it’s creating some interesting personality changes for some of us. It’s like my normal self has taken the backseat, and suddenly this new quarantine alter ego has taken over to deal with the situation at hand.

My usual self knows very well that my best contribution to any kitchen is to stay far away from it. I burn half the things I make, and the still edible half I drown in truffle salt because that’s the only thing that can overpower the lingering ash flavor. Among my repertoire, you can find Truffle Tacos, Truffle Chili Chickpeas, and the classic, Truffle Toast. Once I set my kitchen on fire when making popcorn. 

I think you get my point. 

Quarantine Sanna, however, does not. She thinks she belongs in The Great British Bakeoff* and attempts recipes like “Vegan Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Monkey Bread”. After an hour of dedicated hard work, the result would more appropriately be named “Vegan Desert Dry Cacao Falafel”. I live with seven people and every single one of them declined a second taste. I can’t blame them.

By the way, almond flour cannot be switched out with chickpea flour without consequences. 

My usual self would prepare for a video meeting with a potential new client. Put on something casually professional and do my best to look like I would blend in at a real office well enough to not be escorted out by security. 

Quarantine Sanna has gone so long without using makeup, she would probably lose an eye if she tried to put on mascara. Her yoga pants are like a second layer of skin at this point, and while she does maintain basic hygiene, she has also discovered that she can wear the same French braid for six days before it turns into a literal birds-nest. 

She's not all bad though. Sometimes she even impresses me.

Take home workouts as an example. It’s one of those things I saw myself doing, in a parallel universe, far, far away. I traveled with a yoga mat and every so often I get lured in by a fancy ad and sign up for online dance classes and yoga membership sites.  Did I muster the energy to roll out my mat and do a workout? Nope. Never. I tried, and then I remembered that there are many interesting things on the internet, and this floor needs cleaning right now, and what was the name of that song I heard in Brazil last year? 

Quarantine Sanna though, she has been rolling out her mat almost every day on the patio. It’s everything from absurd HIIT** and calisthenics sessions to focused hip and shoulder mobility practices. Something I need but never do unless an instructor can see me and tell me to stop cheating. 

Granted, she also snacks like there's an end of chocolate as we know it, but all in all, I guess it could be worse. 

*Disclaimer: I only know about this show because of Instagram.

**She even does burpees. Who is this person? Who am I? Existential crisis.